i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
