Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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