i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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