we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
