Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
