I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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