It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
