her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
