I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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