The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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