we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
