I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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