I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He did a backflip because drugs
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