I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
