i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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