I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
