9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
