Plan B is the new Plan A
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
