I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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