obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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