You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
