Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
