She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
