I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
