please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
