Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
