Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
