ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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