Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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