is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
