Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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