so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
