Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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