I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
