The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
