Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
