so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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