It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
