Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
