nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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