Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
