If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
