You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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