so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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