I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
