Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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