We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
