She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
