a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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