I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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